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AskMatrix - - (+2|-0)
How should I deal with relative who is in the middle of a romance scam?(self)
7 commentsbyZapped

My mother-in-law has been talking to a famous celebrity (I never heard of him but my wife says he's famous) through Facebook and then he talked her into moving to Whatsapp and I think they've been talking over the phone and texting. He was even nice enough to walk her through setting up a crypto account and putting a little in and making a whopping $15, so he talked her into putting in $500 which was "stolen by Coinbase" and totally not the guy she has been talking to. We have found out that she has gotten two credit cards and a personal loan, all while we have been helping her out financially since she is widowed with only social security as income. I'm guessing that the scammer(s) is dragging this out to get what he can from her monthly social security check or to try to get her involved in unknowingly scamming others or money laundering. He is even coaching her on how to deny to her friends and family about what is going on. We had to clean her computer and wipe her cell phone because of the stuff he had her download and move all of her banking accounts because those were compromised. And then my wife caught her getting back in contact with the scammer after all of this. She is in love with a celebrity 30 years younger and he is flying out to visit except his dog keeps getting sick right before the flights. She was recently diagnosed with a UTI, so that could explain some of her mental state, but it's still incredulous to my wife and I how far on the hook she is to this scam. Maybe some early dementia showing up. I told my wife that we wouldn't let her starve or be homeless, but we are not bailing her out anymore, even she can't pay for her car insurance. So how do you think I handle this on my end?

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[-]RickSanchez5(+4|0)

This happened to me, I am a fan of Billy Idol on Facebook and a Billy Idol profile wanted to chat with me, and offer $50,000 and a Ford truck to his fans. I played along, and he wanted to go on Telegram and that's when I noticed his cell phone number was from Nigeria. So I blocked him before downloading any program or give out my personal info. He even called me with a voice changer that sounded like Billy Idol.

I almost got scammed on LinkedIn twice, but once I said I have no money they ghosted me.

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[-]x0x72(+1|0)

Saying you don't have money is the best way to avoid people on LinkedIn.

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[-]newJiminy3(+2|0)

If they're on the internet getting scammed you can somehow shut the internet off for them, lie to them and say it's getting fixed. That's what I did.

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[-]Zapped1(0|0)

She uses our internet, so that's what I'm thinking about unplugging her ethernet cable and saying there's a problem with the router. She does have a cell phone and I think that's their primary means of communication, but she uses her computer to do her banking.

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[-]x0x73(+2|0)

Get her into a trust. My father is already a ward of his own estate, and he's not even to that point yet. It's better to do it early. It's better on inheritence since when they die there isn't presure to move funds around quickly and figure out who owns what. The trust owns it.

And it's better for dealing with the greyzone of when it still makes sense for someone to have most of their independence but still put the children in a place where they can override when it's needed.

But given what else you said, she might be to the next point. She might need to be living with someone and given a kid phone (full monitoring, whitelist contacts).

You are saying you don't want to bail her out anymore. To me that's language used to manage boundries in individual to individual relationships. But at some point she's not an individual. She's not someone who can make independent choices and manage their own life without it resulting in predictable ruin. At that point, they aren't an individual. They are a dependent. And you have to take care of your dependents. And dependents don't get to spend their whole bank account on strangers from the internet.

See, if the money was already in a trust it would be easier. She lives with one of the siblings, and they recieve a stipend from the trust to support those costs.

The way it is with my father, he's allowed to manage the funds in the trust himself. He doesn't own anything. But he manages the trust that does. The second my brother decides he can't manage the trust anymore (really a family vote), the management goes to him. There's no big wrestle when that day comes or scratching our heads where the money is coming from for whatever resource is used next. It could be a home facility (probably not), a nurse, or a budget for him to move in somewhere. But what's going to suck is figuring out both what and who's paying on the same day with your siblings.

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[-]Zapped1(0|0)

She has nothing besides her social security income. She has no savings and the scammer has already maxed out her credit to the tune of a few thousand dollars. I am worried that the scammer will get her involved in money laundering and she will end up in prison. My wife has talked with her doctor and banker (she is a registered agent/approved person for both) and both say she is not mentally ill past being scammed.

I have learned that she may know it's a scam but the attention she is getting keeps her in fantasy land. It's an addiction. Her husband died three years ago (she was married at age 16) and she is craving attention and companionship. She tried the dating sites but this scammer got to her before she started meeting real people.

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[-]newJiminy2(+1|0)

She might feel that cost of a few thousand dollars was worth it. I doubt she'd do money laundering and go to prison lol. It sucks you won't get an inheritance but sounds like it wasnt much anyway. Just let her do whatever she wants as she grows old. Money doesn't matter. She'll get her social security till she dies.

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